My absence

Hey all you blog follower.

I know you've all been terribly upset that I haven't been posting lately. I'm not going to lie, things are really going to slow down here for a while. I've got two classes that require me to keep a journal, and I also keep my own. After writing three journals a day, I'm not going to lie, I'm probably not going to write a blog as a forth journal. Will I ever post again? Yes. Yes I will. But I can't say when.

I know all of you are terribly dissapointed, I hope you manage to keep on living despite this crushing let-down.

I will return

Steve

Making a Game Plan

This thought goes out to anyone out there who might not be perfect.

And I'm keeping it short.


Recently I read a book called "Humility, true Greatness," and the thing that I liked most about it was that the author basically said that we need to take pride seriously and try to get a handle on it. But unlike so many other books authored by our esteemed giants of Christian thinking* he actually gives practical suggestions of things to DO.

But this is different from a list of "do"s and "don't"s to keep as a set of rules. He's saying that if you want to affect yoru feelings and attitudes you need to develop a strategic plan.

If you want to be a Marathon runner you don't just watch "Chariots of fire" and get inspired and go out and try really hard. You get a plan with small, practical, steps and you work on those steps. This isn't legalistic. This is trying to achieve a goal.

Once I was in therapy and we tried to change my perception of a few things by changing the way I thought. But we discussed specific ideas and thought patterns to avoid, we didn't just say "do better at that."

Why have I been trying to just "be more humble" without coming up with a set of peramiters, routines, and small steps? Is it becuase that's not natural and therefore not relational? Is it because that's relying on my own strength instead of God's? Or is it becuase I needed to read a book where a guy told me I could actually do that?

*and I'm totally thinking Larry Crabb here

Freedom of Humilty

Friends, I'm on the verge of something here. I think we should all put this in our pipes and smoke it for a while. I'm not saying that I've figured out something great, but I think there is something great yet to be discovered in the freedom of Humility. So feel free to take this idea and run farther with it than I have.

But I just read a GREAT book for class. It was called "Humilty, True Greatness" and I've decided that I am going to wage war with pride in my life. I mean I've been trying to be more humble for a long time becuase that's a Biblical commandment, but I've never really stopped and said "I'm going to develop a plan and tackle this issue head on." It's just like unbuilding walls, we need to take it one step at a time and by changing the condition of our hearts, and unlearning habits and thoughts that we've picked up through a fallen world can help us rearrange our feelings and our instincts.

I haven't fully formulated my game plan on that one yet, I'll keep you posted. But I have been thinking about how great it would be to truly have humility. You see my problem is that for some reason I'm convinced that I have to perform before an imaginary audience so I feel like I'm "good enough."

I need to make sure that I have a good enough job, that I am a good enough student, that I'm a good enough friend, or boyfriend, or whatever. I'm trying so hard to make sure I live life the "right way" or that I'm doing good enough for God to be proud of me.

But remember a few posts ago when I talked about surrender? We're not fast enough to win the 200 meter dash? Well I've realized that in this life we are totally down on the track with the rest of the runners, but we're not going to run.

I imagine muyself eating a hot-dog and snapping pictures while all the other runners are stretching out and getting ready for the race. I understand that I'm not really a runner and I'm never going to win. But I'm here on God's invitation. He never expected me to run and neither did anyone else. People know I'm too slow for that. But if I'm truly humble and understand who I am I can enjoy my hot-dog and look forward to watching the race.

Getting away from the racing image: I envision a scenario like this some time.

Imagine a child overhears his parents talking about how money is a little tight. What is the child supposed to do? Wouldn't it break your heart if you came into your childs room and he was crying? You'd ask

"what's the matter?"

And your chld replies in tears "I've been saving my lunch money and trying to do chores around the neighborhood so I could make money so we wont have to be homeless...but I only made 4 dollars."

And of course you would sweep that child into your arms and tell him that you were going to take care of him and that he didn't have to make the money for the family and that everything was fine and he could live his life and be a normal kid and he should eat lunch every day and rest assured that his mother and father were going to take care of the money for him and make sure he was allright.

And the child would be so relieved. That relief is the freedom of humilty.

What if that child wasn't saving up money for a week, but for a year? For two years? For an entire life time? When I feel the need to perform for God or for Cortney or for "people" in general so I can be "good enough" to feel good about myself I'm just a little boy crying in his bed becuase he couldnt' make enough money to pay the rent. I think it breaks my Father's heart.

Nothing to fear but...

Ok so here is something weird. I don't know if anyone else is going to say they feel the same way as I do, but we'll see.

Yesterday I was reading some kind of book about blagh blagh blagh education grad school blagh blagh you get where I"m going with this.

Well anyway. It goes on to talk about all the "desert fathers," and monks and people who have lived their entire lives ensconced in spiritual disciplines, scripture, and the pursuit of knowing God better. And we all say that we are dedicated to these things but I mean for real...these people didn't have jobs. They just did this stuff all day every day.

And I was thinking to myself that that didn't sound so bad, but then I realized I was a little afraid to really get deep with God myself. You see the thing of it is I'm a little afraid to lose what I have these days. I have a beautiful fiancee, a degree in a field I kinda like, a shelf full of books I haven't read yet, and a Nintendo wii. Good night why would I want to change the status quo?

I realized that whenever you really love something you give that thing power over you. My fanatic-like love for the Buckeyes enslaves me to the T.V. every Saturday in the fall and my love for Cortney keeps me tied to my cell-phone. And I think these are good deals. I'm willing to do these things.

But MAN. Really loving God, I mean REALLY loving God. He could make you do ANYTHING. Like, I don't know anyone as crazy and unpredictable as God, he is a wild-card. And it's my goal in life to be completely besotted and helplessly head over heels with a wild-card.

I think that's part pf what it means when the Bible talks about "fear of the Lord." Aslan was never a tame lion. And so I'm signing up. It sounds like a good deal. And I really DO want to fall deeper and deeper in love with God. But I'm kinda afraid to see what he's going to make me do in the future. They say Jesus came to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable, and for once I'm comfortable.

Glorious Defeat

As is often the case when exploring the nature of our Lord, we may have to live in a little tension between two truths that seem mutually exclusive. Most people like to say that we need to learn how to hold these truths in balance. I like to say "you're not going to figure it out ever because you are a dirty sinner and sinners don't get to understand all the ways of God." It helps me sleep better at night because I spend less time thinking about questions without answers.

But anyway, I give that disclaimer so that you understand I know that what I am about to tell you is not the end all be all of how you are to live your life, but rather something you must consider while trying your hardest to live a God honoring lifestyle. End disclaimer.


I think that sometimes defeat is a good thing. I know that's not a winner's attitude, but some situations aren't set up for you to win. They* say guilt is a sign of an impossible goal. I'm not one of them, but I would say despair probably fits in with that too.

Because if you were utterly convinced that it was vitally important for you to win a gold medal in the 200m dash, that idea would probably consume your life. All the training and dieting, all the effort, all the living breathing, and thinking about sprinting would really wear on a person. Especially if your name isn't Usain Bolt. See the thing is, everyone who ISN'T named Usain Bolt is incapable of winning the gold. And therefore, if winning that medal is something of vital importance to you, you are set up for a life of guilt, despair, and feelings of inadequacy.

So maybe it wouldn't be so bad of a thing if one day you got in a car accident and the doctor told you you would never run again. True, your dream was unrealized, but lets be honest, it was going to be unrealized anyway. Now you are free to live your life because you are no longer consumed or haunted by the feeling that you need to achieve the unachievable.

You see where I'm going with this? I am a sinner. I can't be perfect. Never will be. And try and try as I can to be the perfect friend, student, boyfriend, student activity coordinator, what have you, it's not going to happen. See we all know that Jesus takes care of our sins, but for some reason there is still a temptation to "Be the best that we can be."

Ok I'm all for that but I think we must also realize that we have already lost the battle. We have already lost the war. We will never win the gold. In fact, we will never even qualify or the Olympic trials...because we are slow. The thing is, we've been going about it all wrong. Because Usain runs for us and he is willing to give us the gold medal that we couldn't win for ourselves. You might say that you don't like that and you'd rather train for it and earn it. Well that's called pride. And the real truth about the matter is that it doesn't matter what you think, you are never going to win.

But God is willing to run the race and fight the battle for us. So I think that while many of us are feeling guilty and distraught it is time to put up the white flag of surrender and accept the glorious defeat that comes from letting God do what only He can do, while you enjoy the comfort of watching from the sidelines.

Does this mean that we should all sin the more so that God can show his glory even more and win bigger battles for us? In the words of the apostle Paul "Hell no."** It's a tension. Learn to live with it.


*Clinical psychologists
** Yeah, I went there, but if you translate the Greek, so did Paul.

Vegetables

No human man could get away with inventing something as stupid as the vegetable. God must apparently have a plan for them, but I don't know what it is, because it certainly doesn't involve eating.

Today I ate an entire bag of frozen stir fry vegetables. Why? Because I'm trying to be healthy and because I got it for free out of my mom's freezer when we moved out. 5 servings of vegetables--125 calories.

125!? You would need over fifteen bags of vegetables to meet the recommended caloric intake every day! This is why so many people DIED foraging for food in the wild before they learned how to sharped a spear. If you are starving in the wild you could stumble upon an entire vegetable GARDEN and you would STILL be screwed because there isn't enough food in a bag of carrots to keep you alive long enough to finish eating them. On an episode of LOST this woman starts planting avegetable garden. If I were on that island I would tell her "Stop wasting your time screwing around here in the dirt...unless you are looking for worms to eat. If you are looking for worms then keep doing it becuase that's helpful. If you're planting vegetables you should probably start looking for worms instead, or learn how to grow a freaking twinki."

That...AND they taste like DEATH. I force fed myself 5 servings of some watery plant crap and was about to congratulate myself on a dirty job well done when I realized I had actually eaten the equivalent of 1/16 lb of hamburger. That's like going to work all day for a dime. Also the dime burns in your pocket and gives you a rash.

If you eat food all day people will call you a glutton. If you eat vegetables all day they will call you anorexic. So next time you are eating water and cell walls disguised as a food group, do yourself a favor and put the fork down because you are just wasting your time.

Nope

I am FINALLY settled in at Huntington after 4 weddings, two moves, and way too much time in the car. So maybe just maybe, if there is anyone left reading my blog, perhaps they will be treated to some more regular posting.


Today I'm here to inform you about the power of the word "nope."

"Nope" is as word generally reserved for the rude and the impatient. But I would like to present it to you now as an acceptable alternative to the word "no."

Becuase "Nope" does not just mean "no I think I'd rather not do that thing you are suggesting." "Nope" means "There is no way I am ever going to do that thing you are suggesting, I've thought about it, and I've decided that is just not going to happen, and you might as well not ever bring it up again or try to convince me becuase I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will not be doing that thing."

The best thing about the word "nope" is the stupified silence that generally follows it. Most people do not argue with "nope" they simply are at a loss for words. Realizing that it is useless to argue, but feeling all the same that arguing is the normal course of action, it is quite likely that people will stare at you dumbfounded, amazed at the no-nonsense manor in which you dismissed their suggestion. Example.

Andrew: Hey Steve you wanna go on Spring Break with us? We're hiking the Appalachian trail.
Steve: No.
Andrew: Come on it will be fun. I've got some shoes you can borrow.
Steve: No I don't really like hiking.
Andrew: No come on, it will be sweet. We'll go slow and stuff. Me and Snader and Jordan will be there and it will be good jokes.

OR it could go like this.

Andrew: Hey Steve you wanna go on Spring Break with us? We're hiking the appalachian trail.
Steve: Nope
Andrew.... Wanna go to taco bell?


I have now entrusted all of you with the power of "nope". Please use it wisely.