Friday, August 28, 2009

Glorious Defeat

As is often the case when exploring the nature of our Lord, we may have to live in a little tension between two truths that seem mutually exclusive. Most people like to say that we need to learn how to hold these truths in balance. I like to say "you're not going to figure it out ever because you are a dirty sinner and sinners don't get to understand all the ways of God." It helps me sleep better at night because I spend less time thinking about questions without answers.

But anyway, I give that disclaimer so that you understand I know that what I am about to tell you is not the end all be all of how you are to live your life, but rather something you must consider while trying your hardest to live a God honoring lifestyle. End disclaimer.


I think that sometimes defeat is a good thing. I know that's not a winner's attitude, but some situations aren't set up for you to win. They* say guilt is a sign of an impossible goal. I'm not one of them, but I would say despair probably fits in with that too.

Because if you were utterly convinced that it was vitally important for you to win a gold medal in the 200m dash, that idea would probably consume your life. All the training and dieting, all the effort, all the living breathing, and thinking about sprinting would really wear on a person. Especially if your name isn't Usain Bolt. See the thing is, everyone who ISN'T named Usain Bolt is incapable of winning the gold. And therefore, if winning that medal is something of vital importance to you, you are set up for a life of guilt, despair, and feelings of inadequacy.

So maybe it wouldn't be so bad of a thing if one day you got in a car accident and the doctor told you you would never run again. True, your dream was unrealized, but lets be honest, it was going to be unrealized anyway. Now you are free to live your life because you are no longer consumed or haunted by the feeling that you need to achieve the unachievable.

You see where I'm going with this? I am a sinner. I can't be perfect. Never will be. And try and try as I can to be the perfect friend, student, boyfriend, student activity coordinator, what have you, it's not going to happen. See we all know that Jesus takes care of our sins, but for some reason there is still a temptation to "Be the best that we can be."

Ok I'm all for that but I think we must also realize that we have already lost the battle. We have already lost the war. We will never win the gold. In fact, we will never even qualify or the Olympic trials...because we are slow. The thing is, we've been going about it all wrong. Because Usain runs for us and he is willing to give us the gold medal that we couldn't win for ourselves. You might say that you don't like that and you'd rather train for it and earn it. Well that's called pride. And the real truth about the matter is that it doesn't matter what you think, you are never going to win.

But God is willing to run the race and fight the battle for us. So I think that while many of us are feeling guilty and distraught it is time to put up the white flag of surrender and accept the glorious defeat that comes from letting God do what only He can do, while you enjoy the comfort of watching from the sidelines.

Does this mean that we should all sin the more so that God can show his glory even more and win bigger battles for us? In the words of the apostle Paul "Hell no."** It's a tension. Learn to live with it.


*Clinical psychologists
** Yeah, I went there, but if you translate the Greek, so did Paul.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Vegetables

No human man could get away with inventing something as stupid as the vegetable. God must apparently have a plan for them, but I don't know what it is, because it certainly doesn't involve eating.

Today I ate an entire bag of frozen stir fry vegetables. Why? Because I'm trying to be healthy and because I got it for free out of my mom's freezer when we moved out. 5 servings of vegetables--125 calories.

125!? You would need over fifteen bags of vegetables to meet the recommended caloric intake every day! This is why so many people DIED foraging for food in the wild before they learned how to sharped a spear. If you are starving in the wild you could stumble upon an entire vegetable GARDEN and you would STILL be screwed because there isn't enough food in a bag of carrots to keep you alive long enough to finish eating them. On an episode of LOST this woman starts planting avegetable garden. If I were on that island I would tell her "Stop wasting your time screwing around here in the dirt...unless you are looking for worms to eat. If you are looking for worms then keep doing it becuase that's helpful. If you're planting vegetables you should probably start looking for worms instead, or learn how to grow a freaking twinki."

That...AND they taste like DEATH. I force fed myself 5 servings of some watery plant crap and was about to congratulate myself on a dirty job well done when I realized I had actually eaten the equivalent of 1/16 lb of hamburger. That's like going to work all day for a dime. Also the dime burns in your pocket and gives you a rash.

If you eat food all day people will call you a glutton. If you eat vegetables all day they will call you anorexic. So next time you are eating water and cell walls disguised as a food group, do yourself a favor and put the fork down because you are just wasting your time.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Nope

I am FINALLY settled in at Huntington after 4 weddings, two moves, and way too much time in the car. So maybe just maybe, if there is anyone left reading my blog, perhaps they will be treated to some more regular posting.


Today I'm here to inform you about the power of the word "nope."

"Nope" is as word generally reserved for the rude and the impatient. But I would like to present it to you now as an acceptable alternative to the word "no."

Becuase "Nope" does not just mean "no I think I'd rather not do that thing you are suggesting." "Nope" means "There is no way I am ever going to do that thing you are suggesting, I've thought about it, and I've decided that is just not going to happen, and you might as well not ever bring it up again or try to convince me becuase I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will not be doing that thing."

The best thing about the word "nope" is the stupified silence that generally follows it. Most people do not argue with "nope" they simply are at a loss for words. Realizing that it is useless to argue, but feeling all the same that arguing is the normal course of action, it is quite likely that people will stare at you dumbfounded, amazed at the no-nonsense manor in which you dismissed their suggestion. Example.

Andrew: Hey Steve you wanna go on Spring Break with us? We're hiking the Appalachian trail.
Steve: No.
Andrew: Come on it will be fun. I've got some shoes you can borrow.
Steve: No I don't really like hiking.
Andrew: No come on, it will be sweet. We'll go slow and stuff. Me and Snader and Jordan will be there and it will be good jokes.

OR it could go like this.

Andrew: Hey Steve you wanna go on Spring Break with us? We're hiking the appalachian trail.
Steve: Nope
Andrew.... Wanna go to taco bell?


I have now entrusted all of you with the power of "nope". Please use it wisely.