Stuff Girls Like: Dancing

Welcome once again to "Stuff Girls Like." For those of you who don't remember, SGL is a installment dedicated to enlightening men on the things in this world that are universally loved by all girls, and will cause girls to act insulted if you ever question them.

It's been wedding season lately. I've been to several weddings, including my own. And I've realized that for reasons unbeknownst to me, girls can not resist the need to "get down" at every possible opportunity.

Dancing,is, I suppose, a cool enough activity. I never do it because I'm bad at it and I find it embarrassing. Sort of the way a lot of people might feel if they were asked to sing in a talent show, naked. Personally, when the music starts to play, I begin to wonder if this is the lucky day I'll get a spinal injury. Cortney, on the other hand gets SOOOO excited to "dance" with her friends.

Why "dance" in quotation marks you ask? Because when girls "dance" they actually stand in a circle facing each other and sing along loudly with the music. This is one of their favorite past times, especially when the song is about men treating women as sexual objects.

For some reason....girls love this. Hearing a musical artist reference the size of their bottoms or inform them that he would like to take them home after they've had a lot to drink is enough to make them all scream and run to the nearest open space so they can form a circle.

Girls will also demand that you join this circle. If you, (for some strange reason) do not want "move it" and sing about things that one might do to a girl in the club, then you are "no fun." Girls dancing at a wedding is a lot like jr. high kids smoking cigarettes, (as portrayed on early 90's TV). You know it's bad for you, you know you will hate it, but you run a high risk of not being accepted if you don't join in. Unlike smoking, you will also be made fun of AFTER you start dancing, because you are bad at it.

To combat this, I have decided that I am going to be doing something else when the dancing starts. I will be singing the song that makes everyone dance. Girls will be so excited when I take the stage that they will look at each other and scream and make all the men they are with feel awkward.

If you want to practice dancing right now, I suggest you get a couple of inanimate objects you can pretend are friends, and place them in a circle facing inward. Play a heavy bass beat on your speakers, and sing very loudly, the lyrics to my new hit song, which will be played at every wedding you go to next summer. It's called "fat booty club night.*"

Shawty, I see you on the dance floor.
Your proportions are pleasing, though unrealistic
I bet other women feel inferior around you.
I hope you are drinking a lot tonight
because after I dance with you I want you to make bad decisions
It's ok though. Because we are having fun.
Everyone in the club has lots of fun.
Dancing until it is very late is a good way to enjoy yourself
Dance, Dance, yeah!


* Guaranteed to make girls stand in a circle and sing.