Making a Game Plan

This thought goes out to anyone out there who might not be perfect.

And I'm keeping it short.


Recently I read a book called "Humility, true Greatness," and the thing that I liked most about it was that the author basically said that we need to take pride seriously and try to get a handle on it. But unlike so many other books authored by our esteemed giants of Christian thinking* he actually gives practical suggestions of things to DO.

But this is different from a list of "do"s and "don't"s to keep as a set of rules. He's saying that if you want to affect yoru feelings and attitudes you need to develop a strategic plan.

If you want to be a Marathon runner you don't just watch "Chariots of fire" and get inspired and go out and try really hard. You get a plan with small, practical, steps and you work on those steps. This isn't legalistic. This is trying to achieve a goal.

Once I was in therapy and we tried to change my perception of a few things by changing the way I thought. But we discussed specific ideas and thought patterns to avoid, we didn't just say "do better at that."

Why have I been trying to just "be more humble" without coming up with a set of peramiters, routines, and small steps? Is it becuase that's not natural and therefore not relational? Is it because that's relying on my own strength instead of God's? Or is it becuase I needed to read a book where a guy told me I could actually do that?

*and I'm totally thinking Larry Crabb here

Freedom of Humilty

Friends, I'm on the verge of something here. I think we should all put this in our pipes and smoke it for a while. I'm not saying that I've figured out something great, but I think there is something great yet to be discovered in the freedom of Humility. So feel free to take this idea and run farther with it than I have.

But I just read a GREAT book for class. It was called "Humilty, True Greatness" and I've decided that I am going to wage war with pride in my life. I mean I've been trying to be more humble for a long time becuase that's a Biblical commandment, but I've never really stopped and said "I'm going to develop a plan and tackle this issue head on." It's just like unbuilding walls, we need to take it one step at a time and by changing the condition of our hearts, and unlearning habits and thoughts that we've picked up through a fallen world can help us rearrange our feelings and our instincts.

I haven't fully formulated my game plan on that one yet, I'll keep you posted. But I have been thinking about how great it would be to truly have humility. You see my problem is that for some reason I'm convinced that I have to perform before an imaginary audience so I feel like I'm "good enough."

I need to make sure that I have a good enough job, that I am a good enough student, that I'm a good enough friend, or boyfriend, or whatever. I'm trying so hard to make sure I live life the "right way" or that I'm doing good enough for God to be proud of me.

But remember a few posts ago when I talked about surrender? We're not fast enough to win the 200 meter dash? Well I've realized that in this life we are totally down on the track with the rest of the runners, but we're not going to run.

I imagine muyself eating a hot-dog and snapping pictures while all the other runners are stretching out and getting ready for the race. I understand that I'm not really a runner and I'm never going to win. But I'm here on God's invitation. He never expected me to run and neither did anyone else. People know I'm too slow for that. But if I'm truly humble and understand who I am I can enjoy my hot-dog and look forward to watching the race.

Getting away from the racing image: I envision a scenario like this some time.

Imagine a child overhears his parents talking about how money is a little tight. What is the child supposed to do? Wouldn't it break your heart if you came into your childs room and he was crying? You'd ask

"what's the matter?"

And your chld replies in tears "I've been saving my lunch money and trying to do chores around the neighborhood so I could make money so we wont have to be homeless...but I only made 4 dollars."

And of course you would sweep that child into your arms and tell him that you were going to take care of him and that he didn't have to make the money for the family and that everything was fine and he could live his life and be a normal kid and he should eat lunch every day and rest assured that his mother and father were going to take care of the money for him and make sure he was allright.

And the child would be so relieved. That relief is the freedom of humilty.

What if that child wasn't saving up money for a week, but for a year? For two years? For an entire life time? When I feel the need to perform for God or for Cortney or for "people" in general so I can be "good enough" to feel good about myself I'm just a little boy crying in his bed becuase he couldnt' make enough money to pay the rent. I think it breaks my Father's heart.

Nothing to fear but...

Ok so here is something weird. I don't know if anyone else is going to say they feel the same way as I do, but we'll see.

Yesterday I was reading some kind of book about blagh blagh blagh education grad school blagh blagh you get where I"m going with this.

Well anyway. It goes on to talk about all the "desert fathers," and monks and people who have lived their entire lives ensconced in spiritual disciplines, scripture, and the pursuit of knowing God better. And we all say that we are dedicated to these things but I mean for real...these people didn't have jobs. They just did this stuff all day every day.

And I was thinking to myself that that didn't sound so bad, but then I realized I was a little afraid to really get deep with God myself. You see the thing of it is I'm a little afraid to lose what I have these days. I have a beautiful fiancee, a degree in a field I kinda like, a shelf full of books I haven't read yet, and a Nintendo wii. Good night why would I want to change the status quo?

I realized that whenever you really love something you give that thing power over you. My fanatic-like love for the Buckeyes enslaves me to the T.V. every Saturday in the fall and my love for Cortney keeps me tied to my cell-phone. And I think these are good deals. I'm willing to do these things.

But MAN. Really loving God, I mean REALLY loving God. He could make you do ANYTHING. Like, I don't know anyone as crazy and unpredictable as God, he is a wild-card. And it's my goal in life to be completely besotted and helplessly head over heels with a wild-card.

I think that's part pf what it means when the Bible talks about "fear of the Lord." Aslan was never a tame lion. And so I'm signing up. It sounds like a good deal. And I really DO want to fall deeper and deeper in love with God. But I'm kinda afraid to see what he's going to make me do in the future. They say Jesus came to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable, and for once I'm comfortable.