A Personal Vendetta

I've just realized that because my blog has become a public forum
that regularly reaches millions of readers a day; it has become my responsibility to use this opportunity for the good of the nation,

Many* people ask me on a regular basis "Steve, what do you stand for?" Well I stand for a lot of things: Lower gas prices, the fight against poverty, putting Welcome Back Kotter back on the air, getting Nicolas Cage banned from film, and spreading the word of Ender's Game to the farthest corners of the world.

But there is one thing that I am passionate about above all. The never ending quest to rid the world of pennies.

A few years ago my brother-in-law and I began throwing away our pennies. At first it was just a penny here, a penny there, but before long it was every red cent we had the misfortune of coming in contact with.

PENNY FACT: Red is the color of the devil and of communism

If enough people throw away enough pennies the government will eventually take notice. "Oh dear!" they will say "we've made such a blunder minting these little terrors! We've been flushing our money (and souls) down the drain in ridiculously small increments!"

PENNY FACT: A penny saved is not a penny earned. It remains a penny saved


"But Steve" you might say "if you SAVED all those pennies together you could eventually cash them in for a pack of gum!" It is true that when several pennies are amassed together you are tempted to think that they have value. But I GUARANTEE you that the enjoyment you get from throwing pennies away is much greater than their actual monetary value. Besides which, change is never gained without sacrifice.

PENNY FACT: Judas betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver (possibly pennies)

Be a part of the revolution before you are swept away by it. Every time you hear the tinkling sound of YOUR pennies hitting the pavement you are hearing the sound of progress.

PENNY FACT: Pop machines don't even take pennies

If you've ever wanted to live your life for purpose, for meaning, or to be a part of something bigger than yourselves, this is your opportunity. Because even though our individual efforts may mean little, if we combine our strengths we can make a difference. Which is ENTIRELY unlike pennies.

*zero