Adventures in no man's land

Hello all. I've had some interesting thoughts and discussion about "calling" on my last post. I think that I should return to that topic in the very near future (and I think I shall) but before I do that let me just tell you something.

If you have never registered for a wedding before, you are in for an experience. cortney and I went to Target the other day and the people there said "here is a price gun. Go knock yourself out." That's how it should work.

Then we went to Bed Bath and Beyond. Friends, let me tell you something....whoa.
First of all, I told Cortney that she should be in charge of the Bed and Bath and I would take care of anything that was beyond. I was hoping that meant things like garage or office or Alpha Centauri . But instead, it actually meant "Bed, Bathroom, Kitchen, and crap you don't need."

When we arrived at the store Cortney and I approached the desk like FOOLS, thinking that it would be a simple process. Instead we were ushered to a lavishly decorated corner full of $fine$ china. There we were greeted and congratualted by some very friendly people that wanted to know everything about us, and who wanted to put everything about us in writing*

After the interview (which I was assured was for our benefit) Nicole (our shopping consultant) offered to take us around the store herself to point out things we need and things we REALLY need.

This was a great bonding moment for me and Cortney. Because we said "NO" and we began wandering around by ourselves in a land of opulence and consumerism we could only hope others could afford for us. As much as you would expect me to hate this we actually had a REALLY fun time, until Cortney hit a blood-sugar shortage and started telling me she needed a snack. This is my cue to start being REALLY nice to her.**

We then brought our selections back to Nicole who went through the list item by item to make sure we didn't miss anything (What would we have done without her?).

But let me cut to the chase for you all and tell you about my newest scheme. When you register of obscene amounts of merchandise they will GIVE you FREE merchandise. Don't think this is a great deal? Listen to this. If you register for $300 of silverware, you get one utensil of your choice for free! (that's one fork). If you register for $800 of fancy knives, you get...another knife!

Now here's the catch. You don't actually have to BUY anything. You just register for stuff. So. Cortney and I are going into full time business registering at BB&B across the nation under different Aliases. Oh yes that's right my friends, they don't check your ID. Forget wedding presents, we are going to furnish our entire home with the free benefits of registering!

Also, just for the record. Cortney has been AMAZING and so fun and easy to deal with through the wedding process. No stress. If I didn't already love her, I would now.


*Met in college, engaged for one year, know each other's friends, graduate student...short, possibly think he's funnier than he is. Bride seems to enjoy Disney channel and folding laundry...Groom looks annoyed, not sure why...
**It's a system we've worked out. Relationships are wonderful

Calling out "Calling"

I would like to challenge an idea that I've been struggling with this year. I'm not sure if I've really found my "calling" in higher education. For those of you who don't speak "Christianese" as well as us Taylor Grads, Fredrich Beuchner and my Intro to Christian Ed. prof would both say that a Christian calling is where "your deepest passion meets the world's greatest need."

In other words. Don't just get a job. Go out and serve a need where you are passionate. That is the job you should get. That's you're calling. It's how you live a fulfilling Christian life. That's why it's almost a sin if someone at a Christian school or a church or any non-profit organization says "Egh, it's just a job." Simply terrible.

I think that "Calling" is one of the most miss-applied and overused term in our vernacular. Before I start ranting, I would like to say that I think God does "call" some people to do things. But I think that makes up a VERY small part of the population. I don't think that everyone is supposed to go out and "find their calling" in the vocational sense. So keep in mind here that the arguments I'm going to make specifically speak to people who believe that a "calling" refers to finding "the right" job.

I think the idea of the "calling" is a very American, and not actually from the Bible. "Whoa whoa whoa" you might say. "Don't you be saying the Bible doesn't say things that it says. What about the "calling of the twelve?"

Well, I did say that I do think God does "call" people to do things. But I think that's an exception, not a rule. First of all look at that passage (Luke 6) and you'll notice that he calls his disciples to him and selects 12. Jesus had more than 12 disciples. WAY more. But we normally only think of the 12 because we hear stories about that. Disciple is one of those words we think is ONLY a Christian word and we actually begin to forget what it really means* (And that's a thought for another day).

But the point is that out of ALL of his disciples Jesus "called" 12. So what happened to the other guys? Sorry, no calling for you. Don't quit your day job, which by the way, is not your calling.

"finding your calling" means finding that job you would do for free because it completes you and you kind of think of it as a ministry. That's a great idea, but I've compiled a very small list of the few people who fall between the cracks and aren't fortunate enough to have the opportunity to find a job that "fits" them like that. In short, this is a list of people who don't have callings.

Anyone who is forced to stay at a job they don't like for financial reasons
Anyone who is forced who failed to get the job they wanted (I got cut from the NBA)
Anyone who was drafted by the army
Anyone who got (or got his girlfriend) pregnant in high school
Anyone in prison
Anyone born in America before 1950 except for white men
Anyone who died before reaching adulthood
Anyone born into a caste system
Anyone who was ever a slave in the history of the entire world
Anyone in civilization who was born into an economic class that did not facilitate prioritizing "personal fulfillment" as a criteria for a job

Considering all the people born in the history of the world, the relatively short life of technology and the leisure time it affords, the fact that the "middle class" is a social construct that doesn't even go back 100 years, the state of many third world countries today, and a few other factors...I would say that the number of people who had NO opportunity to fulfill their calling would probably figure somewhere around 99% (unless a lot of people had callings like "Build pyramid by hand").

Steve are you being a little harsh? Are you taking this a little too far? Why yes as a matter of fact I am. But it's only to make a point. I think that God does "Call" people. And a lot of people who use the word "calling" really mean "I like this job a lot and I feel like I get a chance to serve God here." Well that's great. I'm not mad at you. But let's not make guys like me (and all the seniors I know who are graduating) panic because we are afraid we won't find our calling and we might have to settle for a "job." I feel guilty about this sometimes. I hate the idea that I might actually just get a job because it pays money and not because it's where my deepest passion meets the world's greatest need. But then again, if I did, I would probably be in fairly good company

* Just like stewardship and baptize. Go ahead and use these words to talk to a non Christian about how you thought it was a good use of your time to do the dishes before you went to bed. They will think you are speaking Christianese, but you will know that you just have a good vocabulary "I thought it was good stewardship to baptize the dishes in water before bed"

No more Shame about Shane

So, breaking up-date.

Shane Claiborne called me the other day. It was right before an interview at NASPA. If I had been in the waiting room at a Christian school when Shane called me on my cell phone it would have been an instant hire. But alas, I'm not sure if the people from University of Wisconson O Claeir really know who Shane is.

But whatever. Shane was pretty cool and he didn't make me eat too much crow. He said he admired my humilty and my ability to apologize and that I tried to get a hold of him in person. Then he prayed for me and told me to stop losing sleep over it. So that was pretty cool. Thanks Shane!

The other thing of note is that Shane read my apology blog. This means that Shane has read my blog not once...but TWICE. And who knows he might read this one too. So I would say that borders on celebrity endorsement. You want to now what Shane Claiborne is reading? He's reading the Danger Zone.*

Anyway, thanks all you faithful blog readers for sticking with me through the Danger Zone's most trying times.

Get ready for our Big Nevin Street Coffee extravaganza!

*That's probably not true anymore, but you can't prove it.

Meat Market Recap

For those of you who were dying to know, the final assessment of the Chicago Placement Exchange was that it was a total success. Minus the Valparaiso problem with a man whose real name I will not use due to the Shane incident.

But the deal is, I'm not aggressively seeking jobs in the wide world of higher education. Although I will accept ANY offer within the greater La Porte IN area.

I got some unexpected leads though. Michigan State and Baylor both pulled my resume out of the "Big ol' Resume Binder" and we had a good old time together. Michigan State wants to talk to me again because apparently they really like me. But It's probably only a matter of time until they find out that I'm an absolute poser and that they would be putting me in charge of a residence hall that is bigger than the entire college I went to as an undergraduate. (jokes?)

But anyway, I got a lot of practice interviewing. Now I feel like the Ging of the world!*

Since I wasn't really trying to interview at very many places (one) and I accidentally wound up having six interviews...I would call it a good day. Plus I got to hang out at the Downey Mansion where they force fed me buffalo wings. That's not a bad weekend at all.

Currently I must now go back to writing my thesis, which is all I will ever do now from today until the day I die.

*No that was not a typo. If you expected me to say "king of the world" you obviously don't know how cool Eric Gingerich is.

Meat Market Day 2

As promised, I am here to report on the exciting things happening at the Chicago Placement Exchange.

I arrived at the placement exchange once more wearing my suit and pretending to be important. I checked my "mailbox" to see which lucky employer would get the next crack at me. It was completely empty. This will be a theme for the rest of the day. I circle my mail box once every few hours and wonder what the popular job candidates are doing. It's kinda like not getting any valentines in your box during grade school.*

Also a friend of mine helped me with my resume. It looks really sweet now. I have a super-sonic resume on steroids that is so fly you would probably want to hire me twice for the same job just in case I don't accept one of the offers. The down-side to this is that it has made me aware that my resume wasn't very good until now.**

But wait...what is this? Some school wants to talk to me? Baylor you say? But I never applied to you...you just sought me out? Well...I'll act like I'm not surprised.

Turns out Baylor University has a thing for Taylor University. And not just because they rhyme. Caleb Farmer is rocking Baylor off the heezy, so they decided to interview ALL FIVE of the Taylor people I came with and also to offer ALL of us second interviews. I guess maybe they liked us. Perhaps they will call me again soon.

In the mean-time I am wooing my future employer, "Mr. John Smith" from Valparaiso. Valpo doesn't realize that it is engaged in the timeless art of seduction, and that I am the seducer.

A month ago I sent them a resume. To which they did not respond. But "John Smith" knows his game. No one responds to the first resume. So I sent them another E-mail asking for an interview at the placement exchange. Still no response. They are just shy. So I do my magic and write one of those special little notes to Mr. Smith from Valpo. He coyly says that he does not have time to meet with me. But what he really means is that he can't stop thinking about me and how good I would look directing his residence halls. So I pull out the big guns and send him another note with my new and improved super resume.***

And now...no response. I can tell he is just playing hard to get. But I'm not really worried. Why would I want a job near La-Porte anyway? No one lives there besides my fiancee.

*Although that never happened to me because my boxes were always AWESOME
**Bethel college if you are reading this please note, I'm better than you think. Now I have documented proof in resume form.
***40% of the time, it works every time

Meat Market Day 1

Hello faithful reader!

I'm coming to you live from Chicago Illinois in the super huge McCormick center. I am at the NASPA placement exchange.

What is a placement exchange you ask? It's like a wrestling tournament for adults. Except instead of wrestling we are interviewing, instead of physical harm we are risking emotional and professional harm, and people are all wearing suits instead of skin-tight revealing singlets.*

Here's how it works. Me and about 4,000 other yuppies go into this massive holding tank and write little notes to potential employers begging for an interview. We place these notes in one huge mail box and try to forget about them. Then a lackey (who probably makes more money than me) takes all these millions of notes and takes them to a much nicer holding tank where the employers excitedly throw away reams of them at a time while chuckling to themselves. Some of the notes accidentally solicit a response. The employer schedules an interview and writes back. Another lackey takes these notes and places them in a THIRD holding tank where we keep OUR mail-boxes. Yuppies like me circle the mailboxes on an hourly occasion like a freshman girl checking her ex-boyfriends face book page.

It's all very cloak and dagger. That's what appeals to me about it. I've also started leaving my resume in various places around the building--under trash cans, on top of vending machines, on the inside of stall doors, in the hollow of an oak tree in Millennial park. There is a chance that at least ONE of these locations will be a secret drop off for an interview.

But lets say that you accidentally get an interview? What happens next you ask? Your curiosity knows no bounds!

Well next you go to a fourth holding tank where you wait like a doctor's office until some one comes to call your name. Unlike the doctors office people aren't bored, they are just really nervous. It's actually more like those skits you would see in church in the mid 90's where two guys have recently died and they are waiting for St. Peter to call them and assign them to Heaven or Hell.*

Then it's time for the interview itself! This is actually the least intimidating part of the whole process, unless you are a single female interviewing Dave Downey.
After the interview it is customary for the employer to schedule a second interview if your name is Josh Canada. Non Josh Canada individuals generally begin circling their mailboxes again.

Stay tuned for further installments of this exciting event! More updates to come tomorrow!

* Except for Eric Gingerich. He's still wearing a singlet.
**Change now while you're still alive

Pressure Valves

An interesting thought occurs to me. I was telling my dad about the time I insulted a celebrity on my blog and was called to task for it. He told me that it was good to have humbling experiences before I became too prideful. Not very sympathetic it's true, but that's what I have an fiancee for.

You know how they say you shouldn't keep your anger all bottled up and let it explode all at once? I wonder if the same is true for pride. I think I have a natural tendancy to accrue feelings of pride and arrogance. I would consider myself a sucsessfull person* and it stands to reason that unchecked, my pride would get out of hand.

I imagined myself like a canister of gas under pressure (why I thought of this specifically, I'm not sure, I think it's because I used big cannisters of Helium every year at home-coming to inflate balloons at Taylor). And the gas inside was pride.

Now the terrible thing would be if more and more gas got pent up intside the cannister until eventually it just blew up. This happens to people. Think about Tiger Woods or anyone else who was so "larger than life" that they could do anything. Until it caught up with them.

A much healthier thing would be events along the way the let out some of my "hot air." For example, insult a celebrity on your blog or invite a dirty comedian to campus. That's like a saftey valve kicking on and letting out a good amount of air and relievving some of the pressure before things turn dangerous. It's still kind of explosive (and painful) but way better than it would have been if everything has stayed all bottled up inside.

The BEST alternative would be to just poke a bunch of holes in the container so that everything that flows in flows back out naturally and safely. But until I can figure out how to do that I suppose I'll just be thankful to God for safety valve expreinces.

*not financially