Hey Friends
So I get a lot of feedback about my blog. Sometimes people say things like "hey Steve, I really liked that one post about the mini. Why haven't you written anything that funny the past couple of years." Or else they will say "Hey Steve, your spelling errors and typos are embarrassing. Seriously, it's painful."
And that's lead me to believe that my readers are loyal fans that have stuck with me over the years no matter how bad my spelling or how long my absences are. And I thought..."wow...that's weird." But I'm going to operate under the assumption that if you are reading my blog right now, there is a good chance that you actually like reading my blog. That's why I've gone back and categorized some of my favorite entries into an easy to find format. So that all readers, new, and old, can enjoy some of my best posts. (Or, actually, maybe the reason I did it was because I realized that I had posted some things twice, that I couldn't find stuff I was looking for, and that the reason I started a blog in the first place was to keep track of my thoughts, and that's kinda impossible if there is no system.)
Well whatever.
At the bottom of this post I've included some "labels." If you click on the labels they will take you to all my previous posts that have the same labels on them. So for example, all of my favorite "serious" posts are under the label "thoughtful."
All my favorite funny posts are labeled under "classic"
I felt a little presumptuous labeling stuff as "classic" and about half-way through I decided that was stupid, and that I was going to change it. But by that point...I was already half way through. And there was no way I was going back.
A smarter person would figure out a way to post all of these "labels" somewhere permanently. But you are reading my blog, so for now, if you want to find your favorite post, you are going to have to click around through the labels at the bottom. Hope you enjoy!
P.S. There has been some conversation about going back and fixing spelling errors and typos. I think I'm actually going to work on that some, but it's going to take a while, Rome wasn't built in a day...Though I doubt you could compare my Blog to Rome. Few cities though, no matter how small and crappy, were ever built in a day.
Showing posts with label Stuff Girls like. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stuff Girls like. Show all posts
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Stuff Girls Like: Being Scared
I know that men sometimes to stupid things like ask their wives to pepper spray them or eat acorns. As men, sometimes we invite negative physical experiences because we wish to prove how tough we are or because we are idiots.
Women, on the other hand, seem to find it fun to invite the negative emotional experience of fear. There is nothing that girls like more than being afraid of things that aren’t actually scary. Let me explain.
Girls will go to great lengths to muster up a feeling of fear in a very contrived environment. They will gather all their closest, most timid friends and rent “scary movies” in which poor helpless girls are isolated and terrorized by monsters or (the most terrifying enemy) men. Girls love to watch other girls in frighteningly compromising situations. “Oh know, that creeper is behind her and she broke a heel. What if she can’t run?” They will even go to great lengths to enhance the mood of terror and paranoia. “Hey, lets turn our the lights! Let’s watch a movie on Friday the 13th! Let’s invite Amanda, she always freaks out the most! Lets cut the phone line! How about we leave our headlights on so our car is dead if we have to make a getaway! Why done we leave all the doors unlocked and leave our address and a picture of us at a bar so maybe some drunk guys will come looking for us with malicious intentions while we are all sleeping!
My Wife and her friends like to go geo-caching. Which, if you don’t know, means using a GPS to look for a treasure that someone else has hid. The coordinates of these treasures are posted on the internet so other people can find the treasure It’s a fun little game. Except when Cortney and her friends are doing it, it’s not about the treasure. It’s about the fear. They only go at night and they only go to treasures that are buried either in the woods or in a cemetery.
Of course, they also need a man to go. Because without a man they are too scared to get out of the car and poke around the backwoods of Indiana by themselves. These nights are still fun though because they involve driving back in forth in front of a “creepy” road and saying “this time we’re gonna do it. This time we’re gonna go out there.” You can do that for at least 30 minutes before it’s gets boring and it’s time to go back to starbucks.
Being the man on this kind of trip requires caution and a delicate balance. Without my presence the girls can’t get out of the car. But if I go out of my way to make things TOO safe by saying ridiculous things like “I don’t think that’s an axe murderer, I think that’s just the guy who lives here” or “no, I’m pretty sure there isn’t much violent crime in this county” they will roll their eyes and tell me I’m ruining it for everyone. I am “no fun” and they wonder why they brought me. Of course, when I get bored of wandering around in the dark, they all follow me back into the car.
And then there is the haunted house. Girls love haunted houses because it gives them a chance to scream, it is scary, people threaten them and creepy masked strangers get to touch them in the dark.* They will wait in line to pay money for this experience.
As you can see, I have conclusively proven that Girls like to be scared, Cortney especially. But we don’t have enough money to hire strangers and professionals to scare her all the time. So I have decided that this month I’m going to have some “do it yourself” scares in my house. If you really want to make that special woman in your life feel extra special, scare the crap out of her with some of these simple, at home, do it yourself scares.
1) Get up in the middle of the night and open the front door and go back to bed. She’ll find it in the morning. This works best if you live in a sketchy neighborhood
2) Bring a live rodent in your house.
3) Ask a buddy to prowl around in your house while you’re asleep and make a lot of noise. For extra effect, have him steal all the pictures of your wife (he’ll give them back later).
4) Here’s an easy one—take advantage of nature. A good thunderstorm or Tornado warning can really bring home the family fun if you take advantage of it.
5) Try setting off your smoke alarm at night.
6) If she’s ever home alone, call from an unknown number and breath heavily into the phone whenever she picks up. Girls love to watch movies where this happens.
It’s not about WHAT you do, it’s about the fact that you care enough to try. Girls LOVE being scared, so go out there and show her you love her. I guarantee you that every single on of these things is more fun than geocaching with people who won’t get out of the car.
*No innuendo intended.
Women, on the other hand, seem to find it fun to invite the negative emotional experience of fear. There is nothing that girls like more than being afraid of things that aren’t actually scary. Let me explain.
Girls will go to great lengths to muster up a feeling of fear in a very contrived environment. They will gather all their closest, most timid friends and rent “scary movies” in which poor helpless girls are isolated and terrorized by monsters or (the most terrifying enemy) men. Girls love to watch other girls in frighteningly compromising situations. “Oh know, that creeper is behind her and she broke a heel. What if she can’t run?” They will even go to great lengths to enhance the mood of terror and paranoia. “Hey, lets turn our the lights! Let’s watch a movie on Friday the 13th! Let’s invite Amanda, she always freaks out the most! Lets cut the phone line! How about we leave our headlights on so our car is dead if we have to make a getaway! Why done we leave all the doors unlocked and leave our address and a picture of us at a bar so maybe some drunk guys will come looking for us with malicious intentions while we are all sleeping!
My Wife and her friends like to go geo-caching. Which, if you don’t know, means using a GPS to look for a treasure that someone else has hid. The coordinates of these treasures are posted on the internet so other people can find the treasure It’s a fun little game. Except when Cortney and her friends are doing it, it’s not about the treasure. It’s about the fear. They only go at night and they only go to treasures that are buried either in the woods or in a cemetery.
Of course, they also need a man to go. Because without a man they are too scared to get out of the car and poke around the backwoods of Indiana by themselves. These nights are still fun though because they involve driving back in forth in front of a “creepy” road and saying “this time we’re gonna do it. This time we’re gonna go out there.” You can do that for at least 30 minutes before it’s gets boring and it’s time to go back to starbucks.
Being the man on this kind of trip requires caution and a delicate balance. Without my presence the girls can’t get out of the car. But if I go out of my way to make things TOO safe by saying ridiculous things like “I don’t think that’s an axe murderer, I think that’s just the guy who lives here” or “no, I’m pretty sure there isn’t much violent crime in this county” they will roll their eyes and tell me I’m ruining it for everyone. I am “no fun” and they wonder why they brought me. Of course, when I get bored of wandering around in the dark, they all follow me back into the car.
And then there is the haunted house. Girls love haunted houses because it gives them a chance to scream, it is scary, people threaten them and creepy masked strangers get to touch them in the dark.* They will wait in line to pay money for this experience.
As you can see, I have conclusively proven that Girls like to be scared, Cortney especially. But we don’t have enough money to hire strangers and professionals to scare her all the time. So I have decided that this month I’m going to have some “do it yourself” scares in my house. If you really want to make that special woman in your life feel extra special, scare the crap out of her with some of these simple, at home, do it yourself scares.
1) Get up in the middle of the night and open the front door and go back to bed. She’ll find it in the morning. This works best if you live in a sketchy neighborhood
2) Bring a live rodent in your house.
3) Ask a buddy to prowl around in your house while you’re asleep and make a lot of noise. For extra effect, have him steal all the pictures of your wife (he’ll give them back later).
4) Here’s an easy one—take advantage of nature. A good thunderstorm or Tornado warning can really bring home the family fun if you take advantage of it.
5) Try setting off your smoke alarm at night.
6) If she’s ever home alone, call from an unknown number and breath heavily into the phone whenever she picks up. Girls love to watch movies where this happens.
It’s not about WHAT you do, it’s about the fact that you care enough to try. Girls LOVE being scared, so go out there and show her you love her. I guarantee you that every single on of these things is more fun than geocaching with people who won’t get out of the car.
*No innuendo intended.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Stuff girls Like VI: Hating their hair
Now I've never been a woman. Not even once. But I've been related to several of them and I've gone to school with many many more. I've even dated some. And I've learned something. Girls (not necessarily women) are in a near constant state of wanting their hair to be in some way different from what it is.
The most notable example for this observation comes in the form of length. Girls will spend literally an entire year growing their hair longer, complaining all the time that they have split ends but not daring to get it cut because that would just prolong the process of obtaining the ultimate goal: long hair.
This long hair is often times considered beautiful by men and women alike but is reportedly inconvenient to girls. So after spending a year growing it out girls will decide "It's time for a change."
Fortunately for girls they have figured out a way to avoid the midlife crisis by channeling all that need for excitement and change into attacking their hair. The imagine that cutting off the foot of hair they have spent a year cultivating will bring about a shocking transformation in their life that no one will fail to notice and appreciate.
Despite the fact that every girl does this like clockwork it is the responsibility of every other individual to act completely surprised. "Oh dear goodness what have you done with all your hair? It's so short...its so....CUTE!"
An instant boost of confidence follows the cutting of the hair because it says "I'm bold, I'm out there, I'm unpredictable, and above all, I'm cute." But this temporary high lasts only as long as it takes for said girl to see a picture of herself when she had long hair.
"Oh I miss my hair, why did I cut it all off?"
And so the cycle continues; or as we would say in the hair world. Lather rinse repeat.
For girls the search for the perfect hair is continuous quest that is never satisfied. However it is the job of men to pretend that the quest for perfect hair is in the constant state of total fulfillment.
"Your hair is so long/short, it's completely perfect!"
The most notable example for this observation comes in the form of length. Girls will spend literally an entire year growing their hair longer, complaining all the time that they have split ends but not daring to get it cut because that would just prolong the process of obtaining the ultimate goal: long hair.
This long hair is often times considered beautiful by men and women alike but is reportedly inconvenient to girls. So after spending a year growing it out girls will decide "It's time for a change."
Fortunately for girls they have figured out a way to avoid the midlife crisis by channeling all that need for excitement and change into attacking their hair. The imagine that cutting off the foot of hair they have spent a year cultivating will bring about a shocking transformation in their life that no one will fail to notice and appreciate.
Despite the fact that every girl does this like clockwork it is the responsibility of every other individual to act completely surprised. "Oh dear goodness what have you done with all your hair? It's so short...its so....CUTE!"
An instant boost of confidence follows the cutting of the hair because it says "I'm bold, I'm out there, I'm unpredictable, and above all, I'm cute." But this temporary high lasts only as long as it takes for said girl to see a picture of herself when she had long hair.
"Oh I miss my hair, why did I cut it all off?"
And so the cycle continues; or as we would say in the hair world. Lather rinse repeat.
For girls the search for the perfect hair is continuous quest that is never satisfied. However it is the job of men to pretend that the quest for perfect hair is in the constant state of total fulfillment.
"Your hair is so long/short, it's completely perfect!"
Monday, April 6, 2009
Stuff Girls Like: Babies
It's been a while since we've had one of these but I got a suggestion from a reader.
My friend Brad recnetly went on a study abroad trip to Ethiopia where he was struck by an realization. Here then is our first guest entry.
You make a good point Brad. If you've read previous posts you would know that girls love babies because they are smaller versions of real people. A point of interst, girls often times like really old people too, which are similar to babies becuase they are small, they have no teeth, are incoherrent, wear diapers, drool, and can't walk. single guys take note of these similariaties and perhaps you will be cute one day too.
My friend Brad recnetly went on a study abroad trip to Ethiopia where he was struck by an realization. Here then is our first guest entry.
I have found that nothing will make a girl's heart melt like a tiny dependent life form that cries incessantly and poops itself. They say they’re “cute.” This defies all logic, yet it is universally true. I was thinking how if you were to wake a girl four times during the night by screaming at her, crap in your pants, and puke on her when she got close to you, the last adjective she would consider using is “cute.” I see some glaring inconsistencies here.
I have always know this to be true, but I was surprised to discover during my travels that there is something girls like even more than babies, and it is this: African babies. We practically had to do a baggage search to uncover all of the Ethiopian infants the females on our lighthouse trip wanted to smuggle back to America.
You make a good point Brad. If you've read previous posts you would know that girls love babies because they are smaller versions of real people. A point of interst, girls often times like really old people too, which are similar to babies becuase they are small, they have no teeth, are incoherrent, wear diapers, drool, and can't walk. single guys take note of these similariaties and perhaps you will be cute one day too.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Stuff Girls Like: Cute
As you all know, if a word is overused out of context it begins to lose all meaning. However, girls have somehow figured out a way to use the word "cute" to describe everything in the world that they like and still retain the essence of the word. At least that is what they claim. If a girl ever tells you that something is cute, please do not disagree, because you are wrong. If they said it's cute...it is. Even if it is the exact opposite of the last thing they said was cute. You can disagree all you want, but they will just roll their eyes...although they might think your ignorance is cute.
Examples of things that are cute:
Boys, but never who or when you expect it.
Children and babies, no matter how ugly, are cute.
Old people are cute if they are happy and or still married
Anything smaller than usual is cute (don't believe me? go to Wal-mart and buy a "travel sized" anything and give it to a girl. It's cute)
Things that should be plain but have ugly patterns or weird colors instead
(That pink and brown polka-dot toaster us SO cute!)
Boys who are bad at things--"Oh Steve it's so cute when you try to cook."
Body piercings or tattoos are cute IF they are on a girl that they like. Otherwise they are gross
Over sized accessories are cute "my sunglasses are too heavy for me to hold my head up, but aren't they cute?"
Anything that any guy ever does in a movie is cute...even if it would be creepy or awkward in real life "Oh you showed up at my house with flowers because I didn't have a date for the prom...even though I've never met you before!"
Any girl who has a personality they like is automatically cute
Wearing multiple layers of clothing that don't match is cute
Anything made of snow is cute
All animals are cute
Sports cars can be cute if girls are driving them and "having fun." It also depends if they decorate the car with "cute" things on the inside.
Ugly couples are cute, but if seen individually are just ugly people
Shy and awkward people are cute (outgoing and awkward people are creepy)
Shoes are always cute no matter what
Female alternative/punk rock singers such as P!NK (she has tattoos and piercings)are cute.
So men, if you want to be irresistibly cute you need to be a small old man with tattoos and an eyebrow ring who always dresses in multiple layers of mismatched baggy stripped and dotted cloths and carries a gaudy cane and perhaps a belt that is six inches wide. You also need to be awkward and bad at stuff, like recording punk-rock albums, and you need to come on strong all the time like a guy in the movies, and possibly keep a lot of small children and animals in your house at all times. Also, being ugly doesn't hurt. If you take these recommendations you will instantly turn into someone that all the girls think is "cute."
Examples of things that are cute:
Boys, but never who or when you expect it.
Children and babies, no matter how ugly, are cute.
Old people are cute if they are happy and or still married
Anything smaller than usual is cute (don't believe me? go to Wal-mart and buy a "travel sized" anything and give it to a girl. It's cute)
Things that should be plain but have ugly patterns or weird colors instead
(That pink and brown polka-dot toaster us SO cute!)
Boys who are bad at things--"Oh Steve it's so cute when you try to cook."
Body piercings or tattoos are cute IF they are on a girl that they like. Otherwise they are gross
Over sized accessories are cute "my sunglasses are too heavy for me to hold my head up, but aren't they cute?"
Anything that any guy ever does in a movie is cute...even if it would be creepy or awkward in real life "Oh you showed up at my house with flowers because I didn't have a date for the prom...even though I've never met you before!"
Any girl who has a personality they like is automatically cute
Wearing multiple layers of clothing that don't match is cute
Anything made of snow is cute
All animals are cute
Sports cars can be cute if girls are driving them and "having fun." It also depends if they decorate the car with "cute" things on the inside.
Ugly couples are cute, but if seen individually are just ugly people
Shy and awkward people are cute (outgoing and awkward people are creepy)
Shoes are always cute no matter what
Female alternative/punk rock singers such as P!NK (she has tattoos and piercings)are cute.
So men, if you want to be irresistibly cute you need to be a small old man with tattoos and an eyebrow ring who always dresses in multiple layers of mismatched baggy stripped and dotted cloths and carries a gaudy cane and perhaps a belt that is six inches wide. You also need to be awkward and bad at stuff, like recording punk-rock albums, and you need to come on strong all the time like a guy in the movies, and possibly keep a lot of small children and animals in your house at all times. Also, being ugly doesn't hurt. If you take these recommendations you will instantly turn into someone that all the girls think is "cute."
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Stuff Girls Like IV: Snow
Today I heard Kim Moselle utter high pitched whining noises similar to those I imagine a pterodactyl making when their young are threatened. All girls are good at doing this. Why you ask? Because it is the only way they are capable of expressing themselves while uttering the phrase "It's SNOWING!"
Snow is a natural phenomenon that never fails to impress girls at the opening of winter. Like engagements, snow has a tendency to surprise every girl on the planet even though it can be (and is) accurately predicted ahead of time, and (unlike engagements) with astounding regulaity.
"Rain turns into white fluff in November? The world is instantly more fun than it used to be!"
Since two things that would make girls rather die than go outside are Rain and Cold it is very surprising that combining these two elements makes them want to instantly jettison themselves and everyone around them into the nearest "out-doors" they can find.
I recently walked over to a gathering of girls and asked them to say whatever came first to their minds when I said "snow"* to their credit one girl did say "cold" and someone else said "slush" the rest of the responses went like this.
"Snowball fights, Christmas, sparkle, winter, fluffy, snowmen, hot chocolate, going home, glistening, sledding...**" I eventually had to cut them off because it was getting late.
Now don't be confused by girls and their changing ways. Snow is their best friend right up until January 1st, afterwhich things take a startling turn for the worse.
Look forward to my post coming this February entitled "Stuff Girls Hate: Snow"
*I'm not making this up
**Oddly enough I didn't hear anyone say "watching men shovel the driveway"
Snow is a natural phenomenon that never fails to impress girls at the opening of winter. Like engagements, snow has a tendency to surprise every girl on the planet even though it can be (and is) accurately predicted ahead of time, and (unlike engagements) with astounding regulaity.
"Rain turns into white fluff in November? The world is instantly more fun than it used to be!"
Since two things that would make girls rather die than go outside are Rain and Cold it is very surprising that combining these two elements makes them want to instantly jettison themselves and everyone around them into the nearest "out-doors" they can find.
I recently walked over to a gathering of girls and asked them to say whatever came first to their minds when I said "snow"* to their credit one girl did say "cold" and someone else said "slush" the rest of the responses went like this.
"Snowball fights, Christmas, sparkle, winter, fluffy, snowmen, hot chocolate, going home, glistening, sledding...**" I eventually had to cut them off because it was getting late.
Now don't be confused by girls and their changing ways. Snow is their best friend right up until January 1st, afterwhich things take a startling turn for the worse.
Look forward to my post coming this February entitled "Stuff Girls Hate: Snow"
*I'm not making this up
**Oddly enough I didn't hear anyone say "watching men shovel the driveway"
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Stuff Girls Like III: Engagements
Whoa don't get me wrong, it makes a lot of sense for a girl to be excited about her engagement. In fact, I'm suspecting that if I somehow find myself engaged one day, I'll probably be pretty excited. Though I hope I'm not surprised by it.
But that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the fact the engagement of two people slightly tangential to your life deciding to spend the rest of THEIR lives together is cause for YOU to celebrate. And if you don't think so, you don't believe in love.
Now it is, of course, more exciting if you KNOW the people engaged, and it's MOST exciting when they are two fictional characters on a highly rated prime time show on NBC. I know this for a fact because I spent about ten minutes quizzing two girls on the best engagements ever. Pam and Jim rank above everything except room-mates and immediate family.
But even when you aren't fortunate enough to know the people getting engaged, you can still be excited. Because people you don't know deciding to spend their lives together is as exciting finding out that Michigan lost a football game.
Sometimes when Cortney is having a bad day I simply make up people and tell her they are engaged.
"Guess what honey? Galvin Gunhold and Susanne Deetz just got engaged!"
"Oh, that's so fun! Are we going to the wedding? Can we walk there?"
But that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the fact the engagement of two people slightly tangential to your life deciding to spend the rest of THEIR lives together is cause for YOU to celebrate. And if you don't think so, you don't believe in love.
Now it is, of course, more exciting if you KNOW the people engaged, and it's MOST exciting when they are two fictional characters on a highly rated prime time show on NBC. I know this for a fact because I spent about ten minutes quizzing two girls on the best engagements ever. Pam and Jim rank above everything except room-mates and immediate family.
But even when you aren't fortunate enough to know the people getting engaged, you can still be excited. Because people you don't know deciding to spend their lives together is as exciting finding out that Michigan lost a football game.
Sometimes when Cortney is having a bad day I simply make up people and tell her they are engaged.
"Guess what honey? Galvin Gunhold and Susanne Deetz just got engaged!"
"Oh, that's so fun! Are we going to the wedding? Can we walk there?"
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Stuff Girls Like (good natured teasing)
English as a Second Language
This suggestion for S.G.L. was submitted by reader Matt Beres. And the man is right.
Even though we've been taught that you can serve God in any vocation we've REALLY always grown up believing that being a missionary is the best thing you could ever do with your life. ESPECIALLY if it involved Africa.
This is no longer true. Go onto any college campus and tell a girl that you want to be a missionary after you graduate and she will say "oh that's great." Tell the same girl that you have a passion for teaching English as a Second Language and she will start flailing her arms in some capacity whilst enthusiastically shouting "Oh my gosh! ME TOO!"
And this doesn't even necessarily need to be a lie. But it seems that the (average) college going male and female have different views on how ESL is to be approached. Girls seem to have an affinity for learning Spanish and going to poor countries to love toothless natives and teach them English using the skills they have picked up in ESL certification classes. Us guys on the other hand were envisioning something that looked a lot more like picking an interesting destination in China and wandering around until some university picks us up and PAYS us (I know, it's like stealing) to speak to their class just because we have an American accent. The fact that we don't know the difference between a demonstrative determiner and gerund is irrelevant because we are doing something with our lives!
Cortney is ESL certified and taught English one summer in Ecuador. When I tell this to girls they all nod and smile as if to say "I'm so happy Steve found a woman who has realized life's great calling. Steve needs that because he only speaks one language."
If you look at the glass half empty this is just another thing (like walking) for men to feel guilty about not doing. but if you are an opportunist it can be viewed as way to get in good with girls without actually having to do anything. It's not actually necessary to become ESL certified to become a hero in our culture. All you must do is mention something about intending to learn Spanish and you have secured yourself a second date.
Me: "Do you know any resources I can use to learn Spanish? I'm into ESL"
Girl*: "Do you know any churches where we could get married tonight?"
*This is "not" how I got Cortney to date me. And this article is "not" in any way about her.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Stuff Girls Like
Now forgive me for naming this post something that will make you think of stuffwhitepeoplelike or stuffchristianslike (both very funny) Trust me, that is not my intent, but I can't think of a better title for a post about stuff that girls like.
And here's why I'm writing this post. Because I'm not trying to list things that girls generally enjoy. Girls would be far better at doing that than I am. What I wanted to do was draw attention to a few particularly strange but universally accepted obsessions girls can't seem to get over.
Here are the two criteria I employ for defining "stuff girls like"
1) It must be close to universal but never explicitly talked about
2) Girls must act shocked and offended when you don't like it too.
Example 1 Walking:
Girls love to walk. If you have a girlfriend that means you have gone on several walks. My girlfriend generally takes a walk every day. The idea of taking a walk by myself makes about as much sense to me as playing tennis by myself, but girls are enamoured with it.
Now it's true, that I like to go for runs, and you might make the argument that walking is like running except slowed to an excruciatingly tedious pace. My Rebuttal: I also like to read, but running is to walking as reading is to hooked on Phonix flash-cards.
You know this is true because no matter where you are, no matter how good of friends you are with the person, no matter how far she has to go, if it is a "nice day" outside a walking girl will NOT accept a ride in your car.* She will always say "oh no I'm almost there" meaning she is only half a mile away.
It is true that I am fully capable of walking a half a mile but I'm also capable of washing dishes by hand, and I've yet to the person (man or woman) who says "oh no I'm fine without the dishwasher, I really like the feeling of water against my hands. Thanks though."
This is nowhere more evident than when your dirty dark secret comes out that you sometimes drive distances of less than a mile. Perhaps you are on a college campus and you've decided that you don't want to walk 8 minutes to the library to fetch a book and walk 8 minutes back. If you ever let a girl know you've done this she will look at you and say "why would you drive?" and the fascinating thing about this is that she will be utterly serious. She doesn't know why you would do that. It's a curiosity to her. But if you explain that you "didn't want to walk" you might get any number of responses from her, but whatever she says you will leave the altercation feeling that your character and love for "God's world" has been called into serious question.
I hope no one takes offense at this post. It is meant to be humorous. And I hope you do not take offense to the fact that I live and work on a college campus and I drive to work every day.
*As to the "accepting a ride" situation I postulate that to girls accepting a ride is kinda like declaring "I really want to date you" and so they avoid it at all costs, which is the same reason they will most likely refuse to wear your coat/sweatshirt no matter how cold they are and how many layers you are wearing.
And here's why I'm writing this post. Because I'm not trying to list things that girls generally enjoy. Girls would be far better at doing that than I am. What I wanted to do was draw attention to a few particularly strange but universally accepted obsessions girls can't seem to get over.
Here are the two criteria I employ for defining "stuff girls like"
1) It must be close to universal but never explicitly talked about
2) Girls must act shocked and offended when you don't like it too.
Example 1 Walking:
Girls love to walk. If you have a girlfriend that means you have gone on several walks. My girlfriend generally takes a walk every day. The idea of taking a walk by myself makes about as much sense to me as playing tennis by myself, but girls are enamoured with it.
Now it's true, that I like to go for runs, and you might make the argument that walking is like running except slowed to an excruciatingly tedious pace. My Rebuttal: I also like to read, but running is to walking as reading is to hooked on Phonix flash-cards.
You know this is true because no matter where you are, no matter how good of friends you are with the person, no matter how far she has to go, if it is a "nice day" outside a walking girl will NOT accept a ride in your car.* She will always say "oh no I'm almost there" meaning she is only half a mile away.
It is true that I am fully capable of walking a half a mile but I'm also capable of washing dishes by hand, and I've yet to the person (man or woman) who says "oh no I'm fine without the dishwasher, I really like the feeling of water against my hands. Thanks though."
This is nowhere more evident than when your dirty dark secret comes out that you sometimes drive distances of less than a mile. Perhaps you are on a college campus and you've decided that you don't want to walk 8 minutes to the library to fetch a book and walk 8 minutes back. If you ever let a girl know you've done this she will look at you and say "why would you drive?" and the fascinating thing about this is that she will be utterly serious. She doesn't know why you would do that. It's a curiosity to her. But if you explain that you "didn't want to walk" you might get any number of responses from her, but whatever she says you will leave the altercation feeling that your character and love for "God's world" has been called into serious question.
I hope no one takes offense at this post. It is meant to be humorous. And I hope you do not take offense to the fact that I live and work on a college campus and I drive to work every day.
*As to the "accepting a ride" situation I postulate that to girls accepting a ride is kinda like declaring "I really want to date you" and so they avoid it at all costs, which is the same reason they will most likely refuse to wear your coat/sweatshirt no matter how cold they are and how many layers you are wearing.
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