Lifestyles of the rich and the famous

You guys may not know it, but I currently live like a king.

I know you've already heard about my unnecessarily large apartment, but few of you know about the high standards of living I have come to expect in my lavish accommodations.

Steve Conn spares no expense. Which is why today he went out and sprang for a state of the art T.V. Antenna which allows me to get 100 channels.

However, I am a bit disappointed with a lot of the channels. 96 of them are coming in as various patterns of static.

4 of them, however, are T.V. shows AND static. So I'm addicted to the Olympics like the rest of you poor people (but I'M watching them on a ritzy 20' CRT with a broken power buton and a blue spot in one corner).

But not even I can afford to be so extravagant as to eat at the burger palace every day, but don't fret because my personal chef prepares exquisite meals for me morning noon and night.

I have recently begun referring to myself in third person as "my chef" and I have recently begun describing a can of kidney beans as "exquisite"

And when I'm not sitting in my chair reading a book or sitting in my couch reading a book I am enjoying my private theater; which consists of a DVD player with no remote, a TV with no remote, and one Michael Jordan DVD that I recently borrowed from a guy.

I hope I haven't just made any of you jealous with my good fortune, but I've worked hard to get where I am today.