Freedom of Humilty

Friends, I'm on the verge of something here. I think we should all put this in our pipes and smoke it for a while. I'm not saying that I've figured out something great, but I think there is something great yet to be discovered in the freedom of Humility. So feel free to take this idea and run farther with it than I have.

But I just read a GREAT book for class. It was called "Humilty, True Greatness" and I've decided that I am going to wage war with pride in my life. I mean I've been trying to be more humble for a long time becuase that's a Biblical commandment, but I've never really stopped and said "I'm going to develop a plan and tackle this issue head on." It's just like unbuilding walls, we need to take it one step at a time and by changing the condition of our hearts, and unlearning habits and thoughts that we've picked up through a fallen world can help us rearrange our feelings and our instincts.

I haven't fully formulated my game plan on that one yet, I'll keep you posted. But I have been thinking about how great it would be to truly have humility. You see my problem is that for some reason I'm convinced that I have to perform before an imaginary audience so I feel like I'm "good enough."

I need to make sure that I have a good enough job, that I am a good enough student, that I'm a good enough friend, or boyfriend, or whatever. I'm trying so hard to make sure I live life the "right way" or that I'm doing good enough for God to be proud of me.

But remember a few posts ago when I talked about surrender? We're not fast enough to win the 200 meter dash? Well I've realized that in this life we are totally down on the track with the rest of the runners, but we're not going to run.

I imagine muyself eating a hot-dog and snapping pictures while all the other runners are stretching out and getting ready for the race. I understand that I'm not really a runner and I'm never going to win. But I'm here on God's invitation. He never expected me to run and neither did anyone else. People know I'm too slow for that. But if I'm truly humble and understand who I am I can enjoy my hot-dog and look forward to watching the race.

Getting away from the racing image: I envision a scenario like this some time.

Imagine a child overhears his parents talking about how money is a little tight. What is the child supposed to do? Wouldn't it break your heart if you came into your childs room and he was crying? You'd ask

"what's the matter?"

And your chld replies in tears "I've been saving my lunch money and trying to do chores around the neighborhood so I could make money so we wont have to be homeless...but I only made 4 dollars."

And of course you would sweep that child into your arms and tell him that you were going to take care of him and that he didn't have to make the money for the family and that everything was fine and he could live his life and be a normal kid and he should eat lunch every day and rest assured that his mother and father were going to take care of the money for him and make sure he was allright.

And the child would be so relieved. That relief is the freedom of humilty.

What if that child wasn't saving up money for a week, but for a year? For two years? For an entire life time? When I feel the need to perform for God or for Cortney or for "people" in general so I can be "good enough" to feel good about myself I'm just a little boy crying in his bed becuase he couldnt' make enough money to pay the rent. I think it breaks my Father's heart.