Sixpense; and more sixpense

After he had fully determined that the young man was at the bottom of this state of affairs, he, Jean Valjean, the regenerated man, the man who had laboured so much upon his soul, the man who had made so many efforts to resolve all life, all misery, and all misfortune into love, looked within himself, and there he saw hatred (493).

The above is a quote from Victor Hugo's Les Miserables which I reviewed earlier back before I stopped doing book reviews.

But I relate to it. I'm an ugly person inside. And if you have been keeping up at all with this blog you will know that this year has been a difficult time of self discovery for me. Larry Crabb says "to know me is to like me, to really know me is to really like me, but to truly know me is to be disgusted." The sinner inside is never pretty, but he is very real.

C.S. Lewis tells a story about a father who gave his son a sixpence. The boy promptly went out and bought his Father a present. The father, of course, was happy that his son decided to spend the money on him, but in reality, the father was not any better off in a material sense than he was at the beginning, since it was his money to begin with. He was "sixpence none the richer"*

We are all the little boy, and when we offer our lives and service to God he is, of course, thrilled that his child would return to him in such a way. But once again, he is sixpence none the richer. Because it was His to begin with.

To tell the truth though, the sixpence is all way have to give. The only thing we have is ourselves. Which really doesn't seem like much.

But here's a thought. We say "Lord all I am and all that I have is yours." And we mean it. But the truth of the matter is that we don't really know ourselves. Not fully, and I believe that we can't give to God what we don't really have. Johari calls this our "unknown self." There are places in our own heart and mind that we have never been, and until we go there, we can't surrender them to God.

And that's the fun/hard part. When you look inside yourself and see something hideous you can give God another sixpence. It is a wretched and depraved sixpence to be sure, but our God is in the business of redeeming. So Rejoice! As bad as it hurts you are getting another chance to give God the only thing you are qualified to give. That is, unless you want to keep it for yourself...but who would want to do that?

*Yes this really is where the band gets its name.