It's Never Easy

So if anyone actually knows me it's no secret that I've been having a difficult few months. Now it's true that I am living the life that every young man dreams of. Single, living in his mother's basement, and making approximately $7 an hour. How could I possibly complain?

But the truth of the matter is that I've been able to spend a lot of time "getting to know myself." And I actually don't like myself as much as I thought. As Larry Crabb says, "to know me is to like me. To know me better is to really like me. To truly know me is to be disgusted." I think he said something like that. And if he didn't, I'm saying it.

And this isn't to say that I'm a particularly evil person as far as persons go. But whenever you cut the crap and take a good long look at what God thought was so worth redeeming it's a bit of an eye opening experience.

But the reason I share this today is to tell you that I've not been %100 in the emotional department lately. But I think I got a big 'win" (as we would say at NP) the other day when I made an important decision. I live my life under imagined and implied pressure. I hold myself to some made up and arbitrary standards that no one else notices. I can't live up to them.

Anyway, long story short, yesterday I decided "forget it, I'm doing what I want, I don't care what it looks like." As a result I'm not waiting around to hear anything more about Ireland. I'm going to get a masters of arts in student development and higher education from Taylor University. (Booyaah) Also, I am accepting the assistantship of being Student Activities Coodinator at Huntington College. All those annoying events I didn't go to in college...now I'm running them!

And this leads me to another thought that I will leave you with to mull over. Sometimes I think that we should spend more time worrying about ourselves. Randy Alcorn calls this "enlightened self interest" and That Calvinist dude who wrote Desiring God called it "Christian Hedonism." I don't know what I call it, but maybe if we were more focused on getting our share of God we would end up doing the "right thing" more often than we expect.

Anyone remember when Huck Finn freed that slave?

P.S. I just remembered that his name was John Piper.