The Brothers

Like my good friend Ben I have finally joined the exclusive club of people who have actually read "The Brothers Karamazov" from start to finish.

And would you like to know what I've taken away from what some people call the greatest novel ever written?

1) It sucks to live in Russia
2) Rich people are mean to poor people
3) Authors should never be paid by the word or they turn out stuff like this.

Now, I understand that the entire literary world has not been duped, and it is I, not the world, who doesn't understand the merits of this book. I would like to compliment the author for producing something way way way the frick over my head.

But to us common folk (who don't like reading 50 pages of fictional memoirs of a fictional priest, who was only a side character character mentioned only because he at one time encountered the main character, who doesn't really SEEM to be the main character but really is only the little brother of the character that is involved in the murder trial which is the ONLY significant event in the 800 page book) this great work of literature might seem a bit wordy.

I've decided that from now on I am going to stop reading "classics" just because they make me feel smart. If I really want to feel smart I'll play Jeopardy with a ninth grader.

For the rest of you I have decided to sum up this 342,000 word novel into a blog-post so you can all feel smart for reading it too. Perhaps some day in the future we will all be able to have books "tweeted" at us, but until then you have the dangerzone.

The Brothers Karamazov, all the good parts.

There were once three brothers who had a dad who was a really big jerk. One of them was studying with the priests. Poor people and rich people are different and rich people from the army can do whatever they want. Some dude wants to sell a forest, another guy gets pulled around by his beard, vodka is plentiful, and people can fall in and out of love multiple times in one week. The oldest son and the dad like the same girl, but she doesn't really like either of them. It's possible to spend 1,500 roubles partying in one night in Russia. A guy gets murdered and his son gets blamed for it. Because forensic science does not exist in the past the crime is unsolvable despite the presence of the murder weapon, fingerprints, etc... Then some guys talk a lot about the nature of blagh blagh blagh and then some guy is delusional and then a girl ruins everything by becoming hysterical and a dude goes to prison. Also, a boy loses his dog.

I hope this helps to enlighten you.